I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
