you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
