dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
