please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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