I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
