dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
