The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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