The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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