i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
