i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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