Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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