i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
