I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
