So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
