so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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