Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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