so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I did not marry a roomba.
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