So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
