Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
