you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
