We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
