Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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