the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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