he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
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Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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