Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
