Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
