sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
