so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
