It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?