this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people