he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
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good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
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He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not