very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction