my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza