Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.