Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou

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(480): View more from Arizona

This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...

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(818): View more from California

why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?

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(303): View more from Colorado

My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(940): View more from Texas

good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.

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(707): View more from California

According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.

(253): View more from Washington

You called the wrong number but I salute you.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not

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