honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?