Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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