Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How's work?
Spinning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They took my balls.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
