just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
