I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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