I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize