Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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