worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
