why didn't you poke me back
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
