Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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