i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
