i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
