get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
