Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize