Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
