Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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