I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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