apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
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I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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