Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
