nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
