I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
