What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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