i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
