I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
