You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
