So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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