I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
