It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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