Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
