And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
