No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
