I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize