So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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