Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
